On Monday, I admonished my eldest son Carson in public for speaking to me in a way that I perceived was disrespectful. I told him, "Some parents may let their kids speak to them that way, but I'm not one of them". I am sure that I had said it in a gruff tone, because I had lost my patience at least once already. Carson tried to defend himself by saying he didn't mean to be disrespectful and I just wasn't hearing it.
Then Carson said something that stopped me in my tracks. There in the middle of Sam's Club, Carson proclaims "If you were looking for a perfect kid, I am not the one". Wow! Those were powerful words to hear. Taking him in my arms, I tried to back pedal and assure him, I wasn't looking for the perfect kid.
What am I looking for in my kids? I have been mulling it over all week. I can't expect perfect, but isn't it my job to teach my children to be respectful? Yet, was I being respectful of Carson's feelings by gruffly calling him out in Sam's Club? Ugh, parenting is a very difficult job. I have confessed to God privately that I have not been the mother I am called to be, nor have I have been the wife, the sister (in law), daughter (in law) or friend I should be.
Jesus told His disciples in John 13:34, "A new command, I give you, Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another". This verse says it not once, but three times : "Love one another". Jesus says that I must love others as He has loved me. That means unconditionally. Not only when my son behaves respectfully but when he is disrespectful. Not only when I agree with the actions of those I love, but also when I do not.
Yesterday, I let Carson down in some way, I don't even remember what it was that I did. I do remember turning to him in the car and saying "If you were looking for a perfect mama, I am not the one". Something freeing in admitting I am not perfect. That I make mistakes as a parent (wife, sibling, daughter, friend, etc).
Jesus asked the woman caught in adultery (found in John 8:10-11) "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." If I am supposed to love like Jesus, then I must have His attitude. He loved the imperfect woman, but He loved her enough to challenge her to change.
I am challenged to change today. To love my children, my husband, my siblings, my in laws, my friends, well everyone, as Jesus does. I have a responsibility with my children to love them unconditionally. Yet, I must challenge as Jesus does with grace and also with firm expectation.
Who do you need to love unconditionally and challenge expectantly today?
