Absence of Words

This summer, our family is studying the Book of Proverbs from God's Holy Word. We have decided to divide the study into thirteen different themes. One theme a week until school resumes. Thus far we have looked at Wisdom - an Introduction to Proverbs, Anger, and this week the theme is Words.

I have been given cause to stop and think about my words and more importantly the absence of my words as I am preparing to travel to India this November. When I heard of the great opportunity to reach out in love to the people of India, I was quite excited. I was prayerfully considering what role I might play on our team which will conduct Eyeglass Clinics, Women and Children's Outreach, and Beach Volleyball Clinics.

Anyone who knows me even remotely would realize that beach volleyball will likely NOT be my call on this trip. What would I be doing? Women and Children's Outreach seems a natural fit, a God-given role to explore the gifts He has given me. This will likely be my focus and yet the group's leader suggested that I consider a role at the Prayer Station of the Eyeglass Clinic.

You should have seen my eyes light up. A Prayer Station... a prayer warrior, this is what God has been conditioning me for over the last fourteen years. This most certainly was the fit. I became quite giddy really over the whole idea, I would get to pray for people and see God work. Then a few days later, God gave me an epiphany: "Sara, You don't speak their language, but I do!". I was crushed at first, how was I going to pray effectively for a person who could not understand my words.

Ugh, just writing it makes me sick to my stomach. How prideful I was to think that "my words", were what the people would need to hear. Then God's Holy Spirit spoke to me and said "Sara, I will intercede on your behalf, they will hear My WORDs, not your words". Wow, my then deflated spirit began to explode with great joy. I was going to have the privilege of being filled with the Holy Spirit to speak His WORDs, unfettered by my ill-equipped tongue.

I have now begun to pray for a Pentecost Experience. I am trusting in the LORD that the people will say "How is it that each of us hears her, in our own native language?" (Much liberty taken from Acts 2). It may not be an outward understanding or a direct experience of speaking their language, but I trust that God will reveal Himself through His Word given out through my unworthy mouth.

I also have been struck that my ministry will not be effective on the presence of my words, but the absence of them. I will show His love with my eyes, my hands, my feet, my presence in the country. All of this possible through Him ONLY!!!

As for our study of Words from the Book of Proverbs, we are challenging ourselves to have an absence of words throughout the week. Yesterday was our first challenge. For fifteen minutes, we did not speak a word, hear a word from TV, radio, ipod, etc... we did not type a word or read an email. We simply went about life with no words. A gesture here or there asking silently for our need to be met, perhaps the need for milk to be poured.

I wasn't sure it was possible and yet, I knew with God all things are possible even the silence of a family for a mere fifteen minutes. We did it in God's grace, and it was even at the suggestion of Carson our eight year old. He requested the silence. We all granted that request together with the help of God's Holy Spirit. Imagine what we can do for Him, when we focus on His desire for us!

The amount of words in this blog post are many, yet, I hope they portray our desire to have His Words be our words or the lack there of when necessary. Where do you need the absence of words in your life? Are you seeking the presence of His Words?

Confessions of An Imperfect Mama

On Monday, I admonished my eldest son Carson in public for speaking to me in a way that I perceived was disrespectful. I told him, "Some parents may let their kids speak to them that way, but I'm not one of them". I am sure that I had said it in a gruff tone, because I had lost my patience at least once already. Carson tried to defend himself by saying he didn't mean to be disrespectful and I just wasn't hearing it.

Then Carson said something that stopped me in my tracks. There in the middle of Sam's Club, Carson proclaims "If you were looking for a perfect kid, I am not the one". Wow! Those were powerful words to hear. Taking him in my arms, I tried to back pedal and assure him, I wasn't looking for the perfect kid.

What am I looking for in my kids? I have been mulling it over all week. I can't expect perfect, but isn't it my job to teach my children to be respectful? Yet, was I being respectful of Carson's feelings by gruffly calling him out in Sam's Club? Ugh, parenting is a very difficult job. I have confessed to God privately that I have not been the mother I am called to be, nor have I have been the wife, the sister (in law), daughter (in law) or friend I should be.

Jesus told His disciples in John 13:34, "A new command, I give you, Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another". This verse says it not once, but three times : "Love one another". Jesus says that I must love others as He has loved me. That means unconditionally. Not only when my son behaves respectfully but when he is disrespectful. Not only when I agree with the actions of those I love, but also when I do not.

Yesterday, I let Carson down in some way, I don't even remember what it was that I did. I do remember turning to him in the car and saying "If you were looking for a perfect mama, I am not the one". Something freeing in admitting I am not perfect. That I make mistakes as a parent (wife, sibling, daughter, friend, etc).

Jesus asked the woman caught in adultery (found in John 8:10-11) "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." If I am supposed to love like Jesus, then I must have His attitude. He loved the imperfect woman, but He loved her enough to challenge her to change.

I am challenged to change today. To love my children, my husband, my siblings, my in laws, my friends, well everyone, as Jesus does. I have a responsibility with my children to love them unconditionally. Yet, I must challenge as Jesus does with grace and also with firm expectation.

Who do you need to love unconditionally and challenge expectantly today?

So, What Do You Want for Your Birthday?

As my birthday is approaching next month, I have begun to have people ask me: "So, What do you want for your birthday?". This isn't an unusual question to ask someone who is about to celebrate a birthday, but it is a question for me that is full of promise and potential. Not promises of baubles and pretty shiny things, but of the impossible being possible.

Let me tell you the story.... When Ephraim was born October 2004 with a heart condition this was frightening. Then he was having little success with nursing or taking a bottle and was having trouble gaining weight. In January 2005 Ephraim had an NG (nasogastric)feeding tube placed as his primary source of nutrition given he was too weak to eat.

This NG tube was scary, damaging to Ephraim's little cheeks, and just plain overwhelming. Yet, it seemed it was medically necessary to get Ephraim the calories he needed. I had prayed for an answer to Ephraim's inability to take food for a very long time. I agonized before the LORD and I pleaded for Ephraim to gain weight and be restored. Months passed with little progress for Ephraim in the eating and gaining weight area. I continued to pray and search the scriptures.

After Ephraim had his first open heart surgery in April 2005, I began to see many answers to my prayers. Yet, this feeding tube still remained. Ephraim was gaining strength. I prayed for God to show us what we should do. Two of the medical professionals we were dealing with were insistent that Ephraim remain on the NG tube. Yet, this did not seem to be helping Ephraim. I was at my wits end.

The last weekend of April 2005, my mother took me to lunch at Montana Mikes. I can see her now sitting across from me asking me that fateful question: "So, What do you want for your birthday?". I burst into tears and said "All, I want for my birthday is for my baby to be off that NG Tube.". Of course my mother could not fulfill that request, but that was my honest heart's desire. No one thought it possible. It was in fact by some considered medically inadvisable.

I went home after this weekend and prayed. I prayed and I cried. I cried and I prayed. I opened up God's WORD and I said, "SHOW ME!!!!". And there it was, a verse given directly to me from God... "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him". Psalm 34:8.

The LORD had given me His WORD and then He said to me "Sara, Ephraim needs that tube out so he can taste and see that food is good". I realized in hindsight He was also saying to me, "Sara, take that leap of faith, remove that tube and see that I am good, I can give you what you are asking for".

On May 4, 2005 with the support of Ephraim's loving Christian pediatrician, I removed the NG tube. Ephraim slowly began to see that he could eat on his own, he did not need that tube. He was quite honestly stubborn (comes by it honestly). It took a few agonizing days of trying, but Ephraim was eating very well by the bottle by the time my birthday rolled around on May 9, 2005.

I NEVER thought that I would get my birthday request when I made it that day to my mother at Montana Mikes. It seemed so impossible, yet God made it possible. Here is what I have learned lately though... Yes, God indeed made it possible, however Ephraim had to do the work to eat. God provided the ability and the motivation, but Ephraim had to desire to eat and then he had to make it happen.

God is the God of the IMPOSSIBLE. He can do ANYTHING, but He will NOT force His miracles on ANYONE. We have to want to be healed and be an active participant. He has great things that He will do, if we will just "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him". Psalm 34:8.

I have been thinking about this post since people began asking me this year what I wanted for my birthday. Then yesterday morning the LORD brought the idea to my mind. In my usual fashion I put it off, then this morning I was doing my Bible Study and I came to Psalm 34. I found the passage I was looking for (not verse 8) and started to move on to the rest of my study, but instead, I turned back (Holy Spirit's nudging) and saw verse 8 underlined in my Bible and a notation in the side of the day Ephraim's NG tube was removed. Okay LORD, I get it. I am supposed to write this post.

Then as I sit here writing, I looked down at verse 9 of Psalm 34. Here is what it says "Fear, the LORD, you His saints, for those who fear Him lack nothing.". Wow, this is so true, of course all of His WORDs are true, yet how personal and meaningful they are to me today.

So, What do I want for my birthday this year? Again this year, I want the IMPOSSIBLE. God is able to answer my request, however, it will require desire on the part of the one who can ultimately take the step to change the situation. It will also take a tremendous leap of faith and a huge amount of determination to see it through.

I am not giving up. I know that God is the God of the IMPOSSIBLE, and I know that it is possible.... Will you (and you know who you are) please, please, please, take that step????

In Memory of My Mother - Carmen Antoinette Coers Carson

I've been thinking about my mother a lot lately. Wondering what she might have to say about different things going on in my life. I don't have my mother to consult as she has gone on to be with her LORD and Savior, but I do have a very precious treasure.

In 2004, My mother compiled a beautiful book she self titled "Omi's Memories". God brought this book to mind when I was searching for answers. Here are a few of her words:

On the subject of flowers..."I love to have fresh flowers in my home. It is the closest I come to having a hobby. I walk in the yard and look down to see a new bloom, it makes me smile. I have been joyfully challenged to do wedding flowers, Lily Pavilion designs, flowers for competition at fairs and flower shows. Flowers for friends and family are often a way I express my love".

On the subject of love and marriage... "I learned that loves is for better and worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. Love is a huge commitment, be prepared to go the distance. Poppy* said, "I hope someday you will love me as much as I love you." He was exceedingly kind and long suffering".


*Poppy was the term of endearment given to my father David Carson by my sister Maria's daughter Lisa. Lisa was the only grandchild to meet her Poppy.

As a way to honor the memory of my mother, Ephraim and I made a flower design using a twig and container from her collection. The flowers came from our own yard and Ephraim proudly helped me cut them with his own scissors. I am not only printing her words for you to read, but am doing my very best (with Christ's help) to live them. To share a love for flowers, a love for my husband & sons and most importantly a love for my LORD.

A Spring Break Special Dessert!

It is Spring Break and we are all on vacation! Troy took the week off. Yesterday we went to the Children's Museum and today we are all hanging out at home. Ephraim had earned a special dessert on his chart (kept for motivation to sleep in his own bed). We decided to make the Rainbow Cupcakes from this month's Family Fun magazine.

Ephraim stuck right there with me until near the end. Six bowls of batter each tinted a different color and layered in a muffin tin. Lots of work, but lots of fun. They don't bother to show you the pile of dirty dishes you make at the end (but I am showing you!). Troy said "That looks like a pain"... I said "Yes, but that is what makes a Special Dessert special". And special it was indeed!

A rainbow reminds me of God's promise never to flood the entire earth again. And I can claim the strength that God always keeps His promises. No matter what we face whether a pile of dirty dishes of our own doing or a serious illness or devastating family news, God is in control and He always keeps His promises.

Snow Day!

Today is the first snow day of 2010! My regular morning call from my sister came a little earlier than usual and roused me from my snow day slumber. She couldn't talk long because she had to give extra attention to driving in the snowy weather. We Columbus folk must not have the fortitude for the snow like they do up north.

I was up and I knew that it was a gentle nudge from the LORD to get back into the routine of starting my day with Him in His WORD and in prayer. The last few weeks I have not been as faithful with my quiet time with Him. I've noticed a difference in how I handle life when I am not close to Him and I do NOT like it.

So, today on this snow day, I gathered close to His bosom and found the comfort I needed. At almost mid day, I have been able to see Him working in me and the boys. I got tired of looking at the brown bananas on my kitchen counter and did not want them to go to waste. From them a batch of banana bread was born. I was delighted to use the mini loaf pans that had belonged to my mom. I am already planning how I can share them with a neighbor or two!

It has been a blessing too, to see the boys taking delight in the Lego catalog. That catalog brought Carson and Ephraim together as they dreamt of what they might like to buy and even gave Carson cause to do some serious double digit math. I was really impressed with his adding skills.

This snow day has been a great day so far! I am glad God is in charge. I think, I'll go have some banana bread!

No Room in the Inn... REALLY????

I wanted to share something with you from my prayer time this morning after reading Luke 2. I am usually not one to share my private conversations with God in such a public way, but I felt compelled to share with you (whoever you may be), what God and I talked about this morning. I record my prayer time in my prayer journal. This is preserved in the delightful pink faux crocodile skin journal my sister Maria gave me:

"Good News! Good News! Thank you Father for Your Good News! You are amazing! You revealed to lowly shepherds the Good News! They were the first to hear it straight from You! You were the ONE who chose the stable. No other place would do. If they (Mary & Joseph) had found a room in the inn, The shepherds could have mistakenly found the wrong baby. But You wouldn't, couldn't let that happen. Jesus' birth had to be remarkable. It had to be unique. There could be NO other savior. There could be NO other way for Him to arrive. You gave this Good News to the shepherds but You told them it was for ALL. It still is for all: black, white, Asian, Native American..."red and yellow, black and white, they're all precious in Your sight, Jesus loves the children of the world". Of course You do that is why You came. You showed the shepherds the Good News but You also knew they would share it with others. Why, they couldn't contain themselves!

They spread THE WORD! LORD, I want to do that. But, sometimes the poison of bitterness and resentment or pride and prejudice get in my way. Forgive me for the last few days especially for setting myself as judge and jury. For using words as weapons instead of using THE WORD to promote Your peace. LORD, I wonder about something else... Why if the shepherds revealed Your truth about Jesus at His birth, didn't the people remember that? But I suppose it was because His time was not yet come. He had to grow up average. he had to experience what I would. He had to know how I would feel when other children taunted and teased Him. He had to know what it felt like to be rejected. To experience what it was to feel like you didn't belong. I am starting to see it better now. Maybe you sent the shepherds for Mary and Joseph. I'm' sure they could have used some reassurance. Your WORD says that Mary treasured this and pondered them in her heart. She needed to have that experience. She needed to know that You cared. That she would NOT be the ONLY one that could testify to Your Son's birth.

The Shepherds went away praising and glorifying You. For ALL You said would happen did. Just as You said it would. That is the same today! I can count on You! Thank You for being a promise keeper and covenant maker. Your WORD is TRUE! They may not have been schooled in the Old Testament prophecy as shepherds but You revealed Jesus to them and they believed. The scholars knew from whence He would come and yet did NOT believe. All part of Your AWESOME plan. You don't let anything happen You don't intend. It is sad, their hearts had to be hard, but it had to happen so that Jesus would be crucified. How did we get from a feeding trough to a cross? Two crude wooden instruments that You used. You could have used ANYTHING! But in both situations, NOTHING else would do! NOT for Your plan. NOT for Your necessary plan of salvation. You use the despised things, the lowly to shame the wise. Thank You for revealing Your Son to me. Let me be like the shepherds in amazement. Let me glorify and praise You. Let me share what You have revealed to me. Lowly me. The insecure, inept, little girl that still sometimes rears her head inside. The some one who remembers the torment of being picked last in P.E. or being left out. yet You use me. I want to treasure the WORD as Mary did. Ponder it and then give it out as the shepherds did. LORD Thank you for loving me enough to trust me with Your promises, Your joy, Your peace, Your SON! He came for me but Your WORD says NOT only for me but ALL. Help me to live that. May I have Your Spirit of inclusiveness while maintaining Your Spirit of TRUTH this Christmas. There was only ONE way Jesus could be born in that crude manger scene and only ONE way He could die on that Old rugged cross. Thank You for the Good News! I love You God!! I give You this day and every day. That I may walk triumphantly in Your grace. Order my day!