Day ???

A super quick post. I've lost track of what day I'm on, (and don't want to take time to count now) but I have not lost the spirit of the challenge. I continue to find ways to add exercise to my daily life including in the last few days some pretty vigorous cleaning as I prepare for family this weekend. I am grateful for our home especially our basement. I am grateful to be able to offer respite and refuge to my friends affected by the storms. I am grateful for mud paintings that my children created with guidance from our friend. I am grateful for fellowship and the positive impact it has on our family.

Overall, I am grateful for the grace and unconditional love that God shows me and I want to be more intentional about sharing It with my family, friends and strangers.

Getting Back on Track... Days 5, 6 & 7

A weekend away taking Ephraim to his annual cardiology exam at Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago and visiting family got me a bit off track with my blogging, but I certainly was able to continue to be grateful and positive.

Of great importance to our family was the blessing God had in store for us in Ephraim's cardiology exam. First it started with Ephraim (without prompting) vehemently requesting that I contact his teachers to ask them to pray for his appointment and travel. I am grateful for sons that know the power of prayer and for teachers that are faithful to pray for and with my sons.

I am grateful for family. Staying with my twin brother and his family is a gift to us in so many ways. Because of family, going to Chicago doesn't have to be all about going to the cardiologist. It is about time with cousins, playing, sleeping over, celebrating and a soccer game.

We are grateful for a cardiologist that offers Saturday appointments at a suburban clinic so that school or work do not have to be missed. Our appointment gave us confirmation of Ephraim's clean bill of health and even the potential promise that he may be able to play competitive sports as he gets older. This is something to be grateful for considering they had previously said he would not be allowed to do this at all.

Our day wasn't over when we left the soccer game at Oak Park. On the way home, we hopped off the highway to Munster, Indiana and were able to catch the school musical of our nieces Catherine and Sara. As well as sharing in a wonderful meal and a few precious moments of outside play with cousins. I am grateful for more family time and then a safe trip home. I am grateful for a husband that is willing to drive and is committed to the care of his family.

I had hoped to have an unbroken chain of posts for the 21 days of this challenge, but I am staying positive and not wallowing in the days I did not post. I was still able to complete most of the facets of the challenge including doing a little exercise in the car with a exer-band and some isometric exercises. So rather than focus on the negative, I am choosing the positive. Attitude is everything.

Save Ronald McDonald & Retrain Your Brain -- Day 4

I know this post will probably garner as much flack as my post in November 2008 titled: "Yeah, I do Eat White Bread!", but seriously people, all this business about Ronald McDonald making kids fat, GIVE ME A BREAK!!!! (And by the way, I "deserve a break today".)

OK,I realize my testimony may actually hurt Ronald, given the fact that I am considered fat, unfit and unattractive by the world's standards, but somebody has to take a stand. Seriously, I know that I am not the model of how to feed your children, and I could stand to get a lot more fresh fruit and veggies in our diet, but it isn't Ronald's fault.

And yes, I realize he is a fictional character portrayed by many people all around the world. I don't see anybody going after Mickey Mouse. Seriously, that mouse has his own vices. Chief among them is encouraging people to spend way more money than they can afford to make their kids "happy". I am not down on Mickey, so don't get me wrong. We all have choices to make.

I used to take my kids to McDonald's at least twice a week particularly when we lived in an apartment for a short period of time while building our house. I used to say "If the amount of Happy Meals my kids ate was a measure of how happy they were, than my kids would be ECSTATIC". I loved the food and was well on my way to a fry addiction. But, then I realized that for me it was gluttony. I asked the LORD to take away my craving for McDonald's, and truthfully He did. To this day, I myself cringe when my kids ask to go there. It really just doesn't have the same appeal to me anymore.

Even my kids have stopped wanting to go, unless they want the toy that is being offered. They don't beg to see Ronald, in fact clowns in general are considered creepy in my house. When we go, my kids get milk to drink, apples and chicken nuggets. My oldest son even picks the breading off them. They may sneak a few fries from our order, but they eat in moderation and they stop when they are full.

My paternal grandparents lived until they were 95 & 96 years old. They ate food fried in lard, white bread, drank 16 ounce bottles of soda, dessert at pretty much every meal and had a candy dish full of M&Ms and Snickers on the table. I believe that it isn't so much what you eat as much as it is how much you eat and the amount of exercise you get. My grandparents worked hard on the farm. I know my kids and especially I need more exercise.

More exercise is what I am trying to get in my Retrain Your Brain Challenge. I have been dutiful in exercising and am feeling better for it. This summer we are going to get more exercise as we have our Boot Camp Bible Study too. I want healthy habits for my kids, as well as a dose of fun, whimsy and nostalgia.

As for Day 4 of my challenge, I want to report that I am grateful for Ronald McDonald House Charities where we spent many a night during both of Ephraim's surgeries. I am grateful for childhood memories of the occasional trip to McDonald's and high school fun sitting on Ronald's lap with Sherry Gray. I am grateful for my trip to India and sitting next to Ronald with my friend Rachel, as we had a glimpse of home by his side.

My prayer and meditation time made me more aware of the way that God is with me in my troubles and that He doesn't promise to keep me from it, but walk with me. Exercise came in the form of more floor work with my big pink ball (Can you tell "I'm lovin' it"?). My positive experience was spending an hour and a half in line with the boy's waiting for Garcia's to open and eating dinner with our dear friends. My note of thanks was to my friend who takes the time to be authentic and genuine in her fellowship with me and my family.

All and all, another great day! Oh and I only have one more thing to say: "Save RONALD!".

Retrain Your Brain Day 3

A quick reflection on Day Three of my challenge to retrain my brain. Today, I am grateful for the quiet time I had with the LORD this morning. For the privilege of being a stay at home mom who can volunteer at my children's school and our church. For the soreness in my body that means I have been working out intensely. For the thank you text that I received from my friend who I wrote on Day One. For the hugs I received from a friend's child and the light in his eyes when I hugged him back.

My positive experience today was the Science Devotion that I presented to one of the other third grade classes. It went smoothly and the teacher and students were very appreciative. I enjoyed seeing the children be thrilled to learn and share their knowledge with me.

My prayer and meditation time brought more time in God's Word that offered joy, strength and wisdom. My exercise came in the form of floor exercises using my big pink ball. Still feeling the soreness from it.

My random act of kindness involved encouraging a fellow parent and spending time with my niece and goddaughter. God continues to work on me and I am thankful for that!

Retrain Your Brain Challenge Day 2

Finding things/people to be grateful for continues to be easy to do. Yesterday, I limited myself to only listing three things/people. Today, I decided I don't think that I will run out of things for which to be grateful. So here is the list that came to mind: my husband who sticks by me through "thick and thin", my first born son who has a tender and compassionate bent, and my second born son who has been a challenge and a delight to me. I am also thankful for the heritage irises that grace my back deck and my cousin John who gave them to me. I am thankful for my home and for my refrigerator even though it is on the fritz. I am grateful we have the money to have it fixed.

As for my positive experience, I was thrilled with the work I was able to accomplish on my Sumer Bible Study Theme with the LORD's help. I found some very useful information on the website: www.goarmy.com that I will be able to incorporate in our theme of being a good soldier in Christ.

My prayer and meditation time was spent in God's Word this morning. My focus again was on the song Sanctuary as well as a new verse Psalm 18:29. The LORD opened my heart and mind to trust Him and allow Him room to move in situations that I have previously tried to control.

I was thankful that the repairman was able to diagnose our refrigerator problems and leave in time for me to get to my Aqua Boot Camp class at the gym. I have been going to this class every Tuesday and Thursday (with rare exception) since early February. Twice a week exercise may not seem like much to some people, but from someone who has been pretty much sedentary off and on most of my life it was a big deal. I was concerned that I might not be inclined to make daily exercise a part of my routine, but I have decided that it maybe more doable and enjoyable than I think.

Honoring the challenge to praise or affirm someone in my life, I chose to write a friend who had generously given me several pairs of shoes that I was able to share with even more people. I also purposefully took time to thank Carson and Ephraim for cooperating by going to childcare while I went to Aqua Boot Camp. To which Carson replied "Why are you thanking us, Mama?". He wasn't expecting praise for his simple obedience, but praise is certainly due even in situations where obedience is expected.

All and all, another good day.. At least I am CHOOSING to see it that way!!!

Retrain My Brain -- Day 1

Today was day one of the challenge I was issued to retrain my brain for positive thinking. I believe the day went rather well. I know it wasn't perfect, but I stayed positive for the most part. It was refreshing to realize that when I made a conscious effort to look for the positive that I actually found it hard to stop.

There were many things for which I was grateful, many positive experiences in the day, lots of fun working out with my hula hoop, a blessed time being reminded of the closeness I can have with God when I pray and meditate and a difficult time stopping at only one note to a friend.

I am excited for more opportunities to look for and be a part of the positive tomorrow. God is doing a new thing in my mind and heart.

See my progress below.

Step 1. 3 new things I am grateful for every day

*1. God the Father, my Creator and Sustainer.
*2. God the Son, Jesus my Savior.
*3. God the Holy Spirit my Comforter, Counselor and Corrector.

Step 2. Journaling about 1 positive experience in the previous 24 hours -- allows brain to relive it.

I really enjoyed sharing family stories at the lunch table with fellow substitute teachers. Stories of family home cooking and learning from our grandparents. Fond memories of my Mam Mam making yeast rolls, frying chicken and angel food cake.

Step 3. Exercise every day -- teaches brain that behavior matter.

Over 25 minutes of hula hooping and jumping hoop. I love my glittery hula hoop and the success I feel at keeping it up and going for longer periods each time I use it.

Step 4. Meditation -- trains brain to focus on task at hand.

Meditated on Psalm 19:14 and the song Sanctuary. At home for a short time and on the way to school by myself. It was a great reminder to reflect repeatedly on the scripture and sing over and over again the words: LORD, prepare me, to be a sanctuary. Pure and holy. Tried and true. And with thanksgiving, I'll be a living sanctuary for You.

Step 5. Random acts of kindness -- every day, send one positive/praising email to one person every day in social support network.

Wrote a note to a friend whom I usually only speak to over the phone. A friend who challenges me to answer the tough questions.

Positive Challenge

I am back. And I return challenged to be positive. A college friend recently posted on facebook that she was both accepting and issuing a challenge to Retrain Your Brain! The retraining challenge came from a motivational speaker by the name of Sean Achor. The basic premise of the challenge is to practice five disciplines determined to retrain your brain to look for the positive in your circumstances. As far as I can surmise the speaker: Sean Achor works from a secular perspective, but I believe it is a challenge that comes with great possibility to adapt it to a Biblical perspective.

Below are the five disciplines that were derived from Sean Achor with a corresponding Bible verse that I have added. I plan to implement these disciplines in full swing starting tomorrow (given my procrastination issues), though I have found that without trying, I have implemented three out of the five. So that is progress.

Every day for 21 days:

1. 3 new things I am grateful for every day.

Colossians 3:16-17
16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

2. Journal about one positive experience in the previous 24 hours allows brain to relive it. (I plan to do this on my blog)

Philippians 4:8
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.


3. Exercise every day -- teaches brain that behavior matters. (I've been working on this one since February, but only two days a week. Time to up the ante.)

1 Timothy 4:8
8 For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.


4. Meditation -- trains brain to focus on task at hand. (For me this includes
prayer as well as times to be still.)

Psalms 19:14
14 May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight,O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.

5. Random acts of kindness -- every day, send one positive/praising email to one person every day in social support network. (I will also send cards as well as look for small acts for those out side my network.)

Ephesians 4:32
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.


Mr. Achor claims that his research supports that this challenge rewires the brain to automatically look for the positive. My thought is that God brought this challenge to me so that I might look to Him for the changing of my attitude that He might rewire not only my brain but my heart. I am tired of looking through my tainted lens, I want to see His clear view of myself of others. He looks with kindness. He views with compassion the people I often treat with contempt. I want to see to it that sarcasm is no longer the second language in our household. Few things are as heartbreaking as hearing your six and nine year old mimic your sarcastic poisonous attitude. I want the positive light that Christ seeks to offer my family.

This summer our family will again embark on another hands on Bible Study. Our plans this year include 1 & 2 Timothy. Drawing our theme from 2 Timothy 2:3-5 -- "Endure hardship with us like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs—he wants to please his commanding officer. Similarly, if anyone competes as an athlete, he does not receive the victor’s crown unless he competes according to the rules."

The plans are still developing, but we want to develop our character as good soldiers in Christ. A better attitude, rooted in His power will make a huge difference. Being trained to look for the positive, to see as God does, will go hand in hand with our study. Look for more posts to come as I begin this challenge. Join us if you'd like.

Flat Tire Faithful

I am constantly amazed at God's goodness and faithfulness. I notice it in the little things of life, but also in the big things. This weekend, I felt it in a flat tire. You may be asking how I can see God's goodness and faithfulness in such a dilemma. Please indulge me in telling my story.

On Sunday, my niece Lisa and I were leaving Columbus to go to Lafayette. It was late in the afternoon and we had not had lunch. We decided on Arby's at the Outlet Mall even though it was just past the I65 ramp on US 31. There was a bit of traffic backed up on US31 to turn into the mall and it took several minutes to even enter the Arby's parking lot. I was a little sleepy, a lot hungry and beginning to get cranky.

I did what all of us are prone to do. I started to complain when I was made to wait only a short time to place my order at the drive thru. Then I really broke out the sarcasm and grumbling when they took an inordinate amount of time to complete our order. When the our food finally came, I was in full blown complaint mode, because they did not have all of the items in our very simple order. UGH! To top it off, if getting into Arby's wasn't hard enough, getting out was even harder. More waiting.

Then I finally woke up and realized that God had a plan in the waiting. I turned to my niece and said "You know, God's timing is perfect. I know I shouldn't be complaining". "We are probably avoiding some accident or other issue by being here". Little did I know what God really had in store.

I finally began to relax and when it was my turn to pull into the traffic around the Outlet Mall, God gave me the wisdom to take an alternate route that saved us time and made exiting the mall a great deal easier. Relaxing and letting God have control of our time and our travel, I felt much better.

We eased on to I65 almost effortlessly. I was halfway into my sandwich and about four miles into our trip when I heard a loud looming noise. I asked my niece if she thought it was my car making the noise, but she didn't seem to think so. I could see a large pick up truck in my rear view mirror and began to think it might be the culprit. However as it passed us, I could tell this wasn't the truck. It was my car.

In a matter of mere seconds, the car began to lurch and pull to the right. The peace I had felt only moments ago, began to fade quickly. In God's grace, I was able to hit my hazard lights and guide the car carefully to the side of the road. That was the easy part actually.

In the moments that came next, I was filled with panic and yet tried to remain calm for my niece's sake. She could tell her side of the story, but I don't think I did as well as I could have done. I did let out a serious "Help us Jesus!" kind of prayer. The biggest concern for me was getting out of the car. Whew, people really drive fast and often without consideration of the people stuck on the side of the highway. A little public safety announcement: MOVE OVER when you see people on the shoulder of the highway. It is a law for a reason!

I got out to check the car and almost lost my car door to the serious wind people were creating as they whizzed passed us. Not to mention, I was wearing a dress (having just come from church and a meeting). I was seriously concerned I would have a Marilyn Monroe moment and my dress would be flying in the breeze.

Trying to keep my cool, I found that the tire was flat, in fact it was blown out. I decided on a course of action. I got back in the the passenger side of the car and asked my niece to call her father and tell him we were running behind. Then I called Troy to let him know. All the while grasping my AAA card preparing my next move. Somewhere along the way, I began praying again and felt the peace coming slowly back.

Troy instructed me not to call AAA, that he would be there shortly. I begged him not to bring the boys knowing that it was so dangerous on the shoulder of I65. He indulged me and said he would drop the boys off at his parents and be right there.

I began to unload my very full(of total unnecessary junk - in hindsight)trunk. So that the spare tire would be ready for Troy when he arrived. As I was unloading, the spare, I turned to see what appeared to be a tow truck with lights flashing on the approach. I wondered if it might be AAA and that perhaps one of the people whizzing passed me might have actually sent out an SOS on my behalf.

It didn't end up being AAA at all. It was a group of four Amity Volunteer Firefighters. They were sent by God in His faithfulness and in His perfect timing to rescue us. They had just finished fighting a fire when they saw us stranded on the side of the road and thought we could use some help.

I know that God sent them. He had a plan. He wanted me to trust Him. And though, moving forward in prayer was part of that plan, I could see that He timed this all just perfectly. The men changed the tire with expert speed, helped reload the trunk and then offered to guide me back on the highway and follow me to the next exit.

This was the greatest gift they could have offered me. Getting back on the highway especially not able to go full speed with the spare tire, would have been an even bigger nightmare than changing the tire. I was relieved. Flashing lights in my rear view mirror, I watched as they made the way for me to get back on the highway. What an awesome sight to see them shield me from the oncoming traffic. Traffic that was none to happy to be slowed down by my problems. The gracious firefighters followed me off the exit at Franklin. Making it sure that I made it to a safe place where Troy could meet me.

What a picture of God's goodness and faithfulness. Of His protection. Now when I hear the pastor say that "God goes before you and behind you". I will have a real frame of reference. The Amity Volunteer Firefighters were my example of the rear guard that the Bible speaks of in Isaiah 52:12

But you will not leave in haste
or go in flight; for the LORD will go before you,
the God of Israel will be your rear guard.

I am so blessed to serve a God that is Flat Tire Faithful. God doesn't promise all things in our life will go smoothly. There will be bumps in the road, sometimes quite literally. However, He will go before you, and behind you preparing the way. Guiding you in His perfect timing, if only you will let Him. What bumps are you complaining about? Have you considered they might be part of His perfectly timed plan?

A Perfect 10 Isn't About Being a Size 2

Getting ready for the day this morning. I looked in the mirror and saw a very imperfect body. But when I looked closer, I saw something beyond the physical appearance. I saw a con"ten"ted soul.

Okay, I won't lie, I wouldn't mind shedding some pounds. But, all in all, I have a very blessed life. My pants aren't size 2 and my life may not seem ideal to others, but God has given me con"ten"tment.

When you look at what I have: a deep personal relationship with my Savior, a faithful godly husband, two very lively loving boys, a warmly pleasant home and a beat up but still running Honda, I think you can see that I am blessed as my list is obviously only the beginning.

This thought brought me back to a time six or so years ago (before Ephraim was born) when a dear friend became very frustrated and actually angry with me. She told me in a nut shell that I had it "too good" that people couldn't relate to me because my life seemed "too perfect". What did I know about "real life"? I had a "perfect" husband and healthy bouncing baby boy (Carson) and a "cushy" job as Director of Youth Ministries at my church.

What my dear friend didn't take into account was that at that point in my life, I had lost my father and had other painful losses. In fact, I was a person who was always struggling and the one who wasn't the perfect size 2. But all that changed when I came to know Jesus as my personal Savior.

The losses I had faced were still profound, but I could rise above them. Others saw me as someone who "had it all" because of what Christ did for me. My friend and I worked out the tension between us and she came to understand who I really was. A sinner clothed in Christ.


A few years later, I had my "Job" moment. It was as if the devil said to the LORD, "Sara seems to have it all, but what if you threw her nice neat little world into a spin?". Like Job, I had a very outwardly wonderful life, then came Ephraim. After a near perfect pregnancy, Ephraim was born with two serious heart defects. My "perfect" world came crumbling down, but my faith did not.

Troy and I faced the most challenging days of our lives in Ephraim's early years. But, we did not curse God, or turn from our faith. In fact we learned to be con"ten"t in our circumstances. Our faith was tested, but it did not fail. It did not fail because we had Christ as our Rock.

I am not a size 2, and in the world's eyes I am certainly not a Perfect 10. But I do have the same confidence as the Apostle Paul who wrote in Philippians 4:11b-13: "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength".

I am con"ten"t with what God has given me. A perfect 10 for sure.

Let Me Tell You About My Library

I can't say enough great things about my public library. Our library isn't just for books anymore... I've blogged before about how my mother would borrow artwork from our library. And the delightful evening I spent with my family reliving childhood memories with Cowboy Bob in the Red Room at the library only a couple of months ago.

However, on Thursday night, I had a whole different kind of experience. The library hosted a program by a local floral shop: Claudia's Flora Bunda (www.claudiasflorabunda.com). The program was completely free and included each participant being guided in the creation of their own daisy basket. I don't know how the program came to be, I didn't ask. Whether the flower shop volunteered or the library recruited them, it doesn't matter. It was simply a delightful evening.

I reconnected with my flower design roots as I remembered fondly the floral designs of my mother and grandmother. I was surrounded by people eager to learn and people who were supportive of their efforts. God orchestrated my sitting next to a woman who shared similiar experiences with a child born with a heart defect. It was amazing. I love living in my hometown. I love my library. I love my LORD who brought me back to my hometown after a little waundering. He has great plans for me and hidden treasures, some of which I can find at my own library.

Washed Up & Broken

Walking down the beach at sunrise is not a regular occurrence for me. Doing anything at sunrise for that matter is not part of my routine. However on our family vacation to Folly Beach, South Carolina, I enjoyed a couple of very early mornings on the beach watching the sunrise.

Besides the view of God's beautiful handiwork in the sunrise, I also saw His majesty and grace in the shells that littered the beach. Lapping waves and the squish of sand between my toes. The crunch of small shells under my feet.

Searching for sand dollars and shells, the Lord taught me a lesson about being washed up and broken. My niece was in search of shells worthy to take home for a best friend. She said she didn't want "just any shell", it had to be "special". Looking for the "perfect shell" became a challenge. But what I soon came to realize was that the "perfect shell" didn't exist.

Most of the shells that had washed up were broken or worn by the sea. Even the shells that seemed to be in tact were really just half of what they used to be and the creature that lived inside them was no more. That meant they were not whole, if they weren't whole, they couldn't be perfect. Instead, I began to see the beauty and the desirability of even the most broken shell. I stopped looking for what others considered perfect or beautiful and started looking with different eyes.

That is me, I am washed up and broken. A sinner saved by grace. God has washed me in the waters of baptism, and though I am broken, I am broken as a part of His perfect will for me. My old self is gone and I am transformed into a new creation. My former self is now a new creature in Christ. I am no longer seen as imperfect, Christ's blood makes me perfect in God's eyes. I am treasured by The One who found me. I am in His grasp.

I will display the shells from my trip, but God doesn't want to put me in a container for display. No, He wants to pour me back out and send me out to be His ambassador. He wants me to tell the story of His grace, the story of His Son Jesus Christ whose body was broken for me. That I might be seen as perfect.

Absence of Words

This summer, our family is studying the Book of Proverbs from God's Holy Word. We have decided to divide the study into thirteen different themes. One theme a week until school resumes. Thus far we have looked at Wisdom - an Introduction to Proverbs, Anger, and this week the theme is Words.

I have been given cause to stop and think about my words and more importantly the absence of my words as I am preparing to travel to India this November. When I heard of the great opportunity to reach out in love to the people of India, I was quite excited. I was prayerfully considering what role I might play on our team which will conduct Eyeglass Clinics, Women and Children's Outreach, and Beach Volleyball Clinics.

Anyone who knows me even remotely would realize that beach volleyball will likely NOT be my call on this trip. What would I be doing? Women and Children's Outreach seems a natural fit, a God-given role to explore the gifts He has given me. This will likely be my focus and yet the group's leader suggested that I consider a role at the Prayer Station of the Eyeglass Clinic.

You should have seen my eyes light up. A Prayer Station... a prayer warrior, this is what God has been conditioning me for over the last fourteen years. This most certainly was the fit. I became quite giddy really over the whole idea, I would get to pray for people and see God work. Then a few days later, God gave me an epiphany: "Sara, You don't speak their language, but I do!". I was crushed at first, how was I going to pray effectively for a person who could not understand my words.

Ugh, just writing it makes me sick to my stomach. How prideful I was to think that "my words", were what the people would need to hear. Then God's Holy Spirit spoke to me and said "Sara, I will intercede on your behalf, they will hear My WORDs, not your words". Wow, my then deflated spirit began to explode with great joy. I was going to have the privilege of being filled with the Holy Spirit to speak His WORDs, unfettered by my ill-equipped tongue.

I have now begun to pray for a Pentecost Experience. I am trusting in the LORD that the people will say "How is it that each of us hears her, in our own native language?" (Much liberty taken from Acts 2). It may not be an outward understanding or a direct experience of speaking their language, but I trust that God will reveal Himself through His Word given out through my unworthy mouth.

I also have been struck that my ministry will not be effective on the presence of my words, but the absence of them. I will show His love with my eyes, my hands, my feet, my presence in the country. All of this possible through Him ONLY!!!

As for our study of Words from the Book of Proverbs, we are challenging ourselves to have an absence of words throughout the week. Yesterday was our first challenge. For fifteen minutes, we did not speak a word, hear a word from TV, radio, ipod, etc... we did not type a word or read an email. We simply went about life with no words. A gesture here or there asking silently for our need to be met, perhaps the need for milk to be poured.

I wasn't sure it was possible and yet, I knew with God all things are possible even the silence of a family for a mere fifteen minutes. We did it in God's grace, and it was even at the suggestion of Carson our eight year old. He requested the silence. We all granted that request together with the help of God's Holy Spirit. Imagine what we can do for Him, when we focus on His desire for us!

The amount of words in this blog post are many, yet, I hope they portray our desire to have His Words be our words or the lack there of when necessary. Where do you need the absence of words in your life? Are you seeking the presence of His Words?

Confessions of An Imperfect Mama

On Monday, I admonished my eldest son Carson in public for speaking to me in a way that I perceived was disrespectful. I told him, "Some parents may let their kids speak to them that way, but I'm not one of them". I am sure that I had said it in a gruff tone, because I had lost my patience at least once already. Carson tried to defend himself by saying he didn't mean to be disrespectful and I just wasn't hearing it.

Then Carson said something that stopped me in my tracks. There in the middle of Sam's Club, Carson proclaims "If you were looking for a perfect kid, I am not the one". Wow! Those were powerful words to hear. Taking him in my arms, I tried to back pedal and assure him, I wasn't looking for the perfect kid.

What am I looking for in my kids? I have been mulling it over all week. I can't expect perfect, but isn't it my job to teach my children to be respectful? Yet, was I being respectful of Carson's feelings by gruffly calling him out in Sam's Club? Ugh, parenting is a very difficult job. I have confessed to God privately that I have not been the mother I am called to be, nor have I have been the wife, the sister (in law), daughter (in law) or friend I should be.

Jesus told His disciples in John 13:34, "A new command, I give you, Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another". This verse says it not once, but three times : "Love one another". Jesus says that I must love others as He has loved me. That means unconditionally. Not only when my son behaves respectfully but when he is disrespectful. Not only when I agree with the actions of those I love, but also when I do not.

Yesterday, I let Carson down in some way, I don't even remember what it was that I did. I do remember turning to him in the car and saying "If you were looking for a perfect mama, I am not the one". Something freeing in admitting I am not perfect. That I make mistakes as a parent (wife, sibling, daughter, friend, etc).

Jesus asked the woman caught in adultery (found in John 8:10-11) "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?" "No one, sir," she said. "Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." If I am supposed to love like Jesus, then I must have His attitude. He loved the imperfect woman, but He loved her enough to challenge her to change.

I am challenged to change today. To love my children, my husband, my siblings, my in laws, my friends, well everyone, as Jesus does. I have a responsibility with my children to love them unconditionally. Yet, I must challenge as Jesus does with grace and also with firm expectation.

Who do you need to love unconditionally and challenge expectantly today?

So, What Do You Want for Your Birthday?

As my birthday is approaching next month, I have begun to have people ask me: "So, What do you want for your birthday?". This isn't an unusual question to ask someone who is about to celebrate a birthday, but it is a question for me that is full of promise and potential. Not promises of baubles and pretty shiny things, but of the impossible being possible.

Let me tell you the story.... When Ephraim was born October 2004 with a heart condition this was frightening. Then he was having little success with nursing or taking a bottle and was having trouble gaining weight. In January 2005 Ephraim had an NG (nasogastric)feeding tube placed as his primary source of nutrition given he was too weak to eat.

This NG tube was scary, damaging to Ephraim's little cheeks, and just plain overwhelming. Yet, it seemed it was medically necessary to get Ephraim the calories he needed. I had prayed for an answer to Ephraim's inability to take food for a very long time. I agonized before the LORD and I pleaded for Ephraim to gain weight and be restored. Months passed with little progress for Ephraim in the eating and gaining weight area. I continued to pray and search the scriptures.

After Ephraim had his first open heart surgery in April 2005, I began to see many answers to my prayers. Yet, this feeding tube still remained. Ephraim was gaining strength. I prayed for God to show us what we should do. Two of the medical professionals we were dealing with were insistent that Ephraim remain on the NG tube. Yet, this did not seem to be helping Ephraim. I was at my wits end.

The last weekend of April 2005, my mother took me to lunch at Montana Mikes. I can see her now sitting across from me asking me that fateful question: "So, What do you want for your birthday?". I burst into tears and said "All, I want for my birthday is for my baby to be off that NG Tube.". Of course my mother could not fulfill that request, but that was my honest heart's desire. No one thought it possible. It was in fact by some considered medically inadvisable.

I went home after this weekend and prayed. I prayed and I cried. I cried and I prayed. I opened up God's WORD and I said, "SHOW ME!!!!". And there it was, a verse given directly to me from God... "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him". Psalm 34:8.

The LORD had given me His WORD and then He said to me "Sara, Ephraim needs that tube out so he can taste and see that food is good". I realized in hindsight He was also saying to me, "Sara, take that leap of faith, remove that tube and see that I am good, I can give you what you are asking for".

On May 4, 2005 with the support of Ephraim's loving Christian pediatrician, I removed the NG tube. Ephraim slowly began to see that he could eat on his own, he did not need that tube. He was quite honestly stubborn (comes by it honestly). It took a few agonizing days of trying, but Ephraim was eating very well by the bottle by the time my birthday rolled around on May 9, 2005.

I NEVER thought that I would get my birthday request when I made it that day to my mother at Montana Mikes. It seemed so impossible, yet God made it possible. Here is what I have learned lately though... Yes, God indeed made it possible, however Ephraim had to do the work to eat. God provided the ability and the motivation, but Ephraim had to desire to eat and then he had to make it happen.

God is the God of the IMPOSSIBLE. He can do ANYTHING, but He will NOT force His miracles on ANYONE. We have to want to be healed and be an active participant. He has great things that He will do, if we will just "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him". Psalm 34:8.

I have been thinking about this post since people began asking me this year what I wanted for my birthday. Then yesterday morning the LORD brought the idea to my mind. In my usual fashion I put it off, then this morning I was doing my Bible Study and I came to Psalm 34. I found the passage I was looking for (not verse 8) and started to move on to the rest of my study, but instead, I turned back (Holy Spirit's nudging) and saw verse 8 underlined in my Bible and a notation in the side of the day Ephraim's NG tube was removed. Okay LORD, I get it. I am supposed to write this post.

Then as I sit here writing, I looked down at verse 9 of Psalm 34. Here is what it says "Fear, the LORD, you His saints, for those who fear Him lack nothing.". Wow, this is so true, of course all of His WORDs are true, yet how personal and meaningful they are to me today.

So, What do I want for my birthday this year? Again this year, I want the IMPOSSIBLE. God is able to answer my request, however, it will require desire on the part of the one who can ultimately take the step to change the situation. It will also take a tremendous leap of faith and a huge amount of determination to see it through.

I am not giving up. I know that God is the God of the IMPOSSIBLE, and I know that it is possible.... Will you (and you know who you are) please, please, please, take that step????

In Memory of My Mother - Carmen Antoinette Coers Carson

I've been thinking about my mother a lot lately. Wondering what she might have to say about different things going on in my life. I don't have my mother to consult as she has gone on to be with her LORD and Savior, but I do have a very precious treasure.

In 2004, My mother compiled a beautiful book she self titled "Omi's Memories". God brought this book to mind when I was searching for answers. Here are a few of her words:

On the subject of flowers..."I love to have fresh flowers in my home. It is the closest I come to having a hobby. I walk in the yard and look down to see a new bloom, it makes me smile. I have been joyfully challenged to do wedding flowers, Lily Pavilion designs, flowers for competition at fairs and flower shows. Flowers for friends and family are often a way I express my love".

On the subject of love and marriage... "I learned that loves is for better and worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. Love is a huge commitment, be prepared to go the distance. Poppy* said, "I hope someday you will love me as much as I love you." He was exceedingly kind and long suffering".


*Poppy was the term of endearment given to my father David Carson by my sister Maria's daughter Lisa. Lisa was the only grandchild to meet her Poppy.

As a way to honor the memory of my mother, Ephraim and I made a flower design using a twig and container from her collection. The flowers came from our own yard and Ephraim proudly helped me cut them with his own scissors. I am not only printing her words for you to read, but am doing my very best (with Christ's help) to live them. To share a love for flowers, a love for my husband & sons and most importantly a love for my LORD.

A Spring Break Special Dessert!

It is Spring Break and we are all on vacation! Troy took the week off. Yesterday we went to the Children's Museum and today we are all hanging out at home. Ephraim had earned a special dessert on his chart (kept for motivation to sleep in his own bed). We decided to make the Rainbow Cupcakes from this month's Family Fun magazine.

Ephraim stuck right there with me until near the end. Six bowls of batter each tinted a different color and layered in a muffin tin. Lots of work, but lots of fun. They don't bother to show you the pile of dirty dishes you make at the end (but I am showing you!). Troy said "That looks like a pain"... I said "Yes, but that is what makes a Special Dessert special". And special it was indeed!

A rainbow reminds me of God's promise never to flood the entire earth again. And I can claim the strength that God always keeps His promises. No matter what we face whether a pile of dirty dishes of our own doing or a serious illness or devastating family news, God is in control and He always keeps His promises.

Snow Day!

Today is the first snow day of 2010! My regular morning call from my sister came a little earlier than usual and roused me from my snow day slumber. She couldn't talk long because she had to give extra attention to driving in the snowy weather. We Columbus folk must not have the fortitude for the snow like they do up north.

I was up and I knew that it was a gentle nudge from the LORD to get back into the routine of starting my day with Him in His WORD and in prayer. The last few weeks I have not been as faithful with my quiet time with Him. I've noticed a difference in how I handle life when I am not close to Him and I do NOT like it.

So, today on this snow day, I gathered close to His bosom and found the comfort I needed. At almost mid day, I have been able to see Him working in me and the boys. I got tired of looking at the brown bananas on my kitchen counter and did not want them to go to waste. From them a batch of banana bread was born. I was delighted to use the mini loaf pans that had belonged to my mom. I am already planning how I can share them with a neighbor or two!

It has been a blessing too, to see the boys taking delight in the Lego catalog. That catalog brought Carson and Ephraim together as they dreamt of what they might like to buy and even gave Carson cause to do some serious double digit math. I was really impressed with his adding skills.

This snow day has been a great day so far! I am glad God is in charge. I think, I'll go have some banana bread!

No Room in the Inn... REALLY????

I wanted to share something with you from my prayer time this morning after reading Luke 2. I am usually not one to share my private conversations with God in such a public way, but I felt compelled to share with you (whoever you may be), what God and I talked about this morning. I record my prayer time in my prayer journal. This is preserved in the delightful pink faux crocodile skin journal my sister Maria gave me:

"Good News! Good News! Thank you Father for Your Good News! You are amazing! You revealed to lowly shepherds the Good News! They were the first to hear it straight from You! You were the ONE who chose the stable. No other place would do. If they (Mary & Joseph) had found a room in the inn, The shepherds could have mistakenly found the wrong baby. But You wouldn't, couldn't let that happen. Jesus' birth had to be remarkable. It had to be unique. There could be NO other savior. There could be NO other way for Him to arrive. You gave this Good News to the shepherds but You told them it was for ALL. It still is for all: black, white, Asian, Native American..."red and yellow, black and white, they're all precious in Your sight, Jesus loves the children of the world". Of course You do that is why You came. You showed the shepherds the Good News but You also knew they would share it with others. Why, they couldn't contain themselves!

They spread THE WORD! LORD, I want to do that. But, sometimes the poison of bitterness and resentment or pride and prejudice get in my way. Forgive me for the last few days especially for setting myself as judge and jury. For using words as weapons instead of using THE WORD to promote Your peace. LORD, I wonder about something else... Why if the shepherds revealed Your truth about Jesus at His birth, didn't the people remember that? But I suppose it was because His time was not yet come. He had to grow up average. he had to experience what I would. He had to know how I would feel when other children taunted and teased Him. He had to know what it felt like to be rejected. To experience what it was to feel like you didn't belong. I am starting to see it better now. Maybe you sent the shepherds for Mary and Joseph. I'm' sure they could have used some reassurance. Your WORD says that Mary treasured this and pondered them in her heart. She needed to have that experience. She needed to know that You cared. That she would NOT be the ONLY one that could testify to Your Son's birth.

The Shepherds went away praising and glorifying You. For ALL You said would happen did. Just as You said it would. That is the same today! I can count on You! Thank You for being a promise keeper and covenant maker. Your WORD is TRUE! They may not have been schooled in the Old Testament prophecy as shepherds but You revealed Jesus to them and they believed. The scholars knew from whence He would come and yet did NOT believe. All part of Your AWESOME plan. You don't let anything happen You don't intend. It is sad, their hearts had to be hard, but it had to happen so that Jesus would be crucified. How did we get from a feeding trough to a cross? Two crude wooden instruments that You used. You could have used ANYTHING! But in both situations, NOTHING else would do! NOT for Your plan. NOT for Your necessary plan of salvation. You use the despised things, the lowly to shame the wise. Thank You for revealing Your Son to me. Let me be like the shepherds in amazement. Let me glorify and praise You. Let me share what You have revealed to me. Lowly me. The insecure, inept, little girl that still sometimes rears her head inside. The some one who remembers the torment of being picked last in P.E. or being left out. yet You use me. I want to treasure the WORD as Mary did. Ponder it and then give it out as the shepherds did. LORD Thank you for loving me enough to trust me with Your promises, Your joy, Your peace, Your SON! He came for me but Your WORD says NOT only for me but ALL. Help me to live that. May I have Your Spirit of inclusiveness while maintaining Your Spirit of TRUTH this Christmas. There was only ONE way Jesus could be born in that crude manger scene and only ONE way He could die on that Old rugged cross. Thank You for the Good News! I love You God!! I give You this day and every day. That I may walk triumphantly in Your grace. Order my day!

A Banana Seat Bike Prayer

I can't remember if I've told you or not, but on Fridays, I volunteer in Carson's class to give the Science Devotion. What is this you ask??? Well, Carson's teacher uses Friday devotion time to highlight Science experiments as object lessons in faith.

I've been doing them for a little over a month. I usually try to tie the week's memory verse or Bible story to the lesson. This week Matthew 7:7&8. "Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you".

Prayer became the focus and I used a pre-planned lesson from a book with an experiment that used soda water & salt to fizz up and over the top as we "bubble up" with prayer to God. Before the experiment though, I talked with the kids about prayer and we looked up additional scripture. I had planned what I was going to share, but as I was sharing, I found myself compelled to tell about my first tangible memory of answered prayer.

I'd like to say that it was a memory of a healed family member or a resolved personal problem, but no it was nothing like that. I told them how my Dad was going to the bike shop to buy an inner tube to fix my sister's bike. I tagged along and on the way began to pray that I would get a bike myself. The ride there in my Dad's old white pick up truck was not a long one around 12 blocks or so.

We went in to get the inner tube and there on the show room floor was a collection of used bikes for sale. A yellow bike with a pink daisy covered white banana seat caught my eye. Oh that was the bike I had prayed for, I just knew it. My parents did not have extra money. It was not my birthday or any special day and my parents did not spend money on a whim. Despite all that, I left the shop that day with the bike for which I had prayed.

Now, I was quick to point out that God is not a giant wish machine (like on Webkinz Carson added). I know that God does know the desires of our heart and He does delight in answering our prayers. After many disclaimers that God does not take special orders for Wii games and the like, I went on to tell them about the power that God has in answering our prayers. His power is what bubbles up like our soda water and salt. Without Him, we are nothing like what we can be with His power.

God's power is evident as we see the world around us. As we see changes in ourselves and in the people around us. I've said it before and I'll say it again, God's Word tells in in Isaiah 59:1, "His arm is not too short to save, nor His ear to dull to hear". What is your prayer today? You may not get the "bike" that you've prayed for, but you will see an answer to the needs you lift to Him. His timing is perfect and so is His will.

He is Listening

I have said it before, but I'll say it again, my boys constantly amaze me. Sometimes I think what I say falls on deaf ears or at the very least uninterested ears. Yet, I have the promise from God's Word that it does not return void. So I persist in sharing my love for God with the boys and living out the grace that God has shared with me in His Son Jesus.

This week God showed me yet again, that the boys are starting to get it. Here is the proof:

My mother in law came to our house to discuss a need that someone in our family had. We were both expressing our frustration over what seemed like the futility of the subject. My mother in law said "What can I do?". A quiet voice spoke up and said "You could pray". Yes, Ephraim realized what we needed to do. It wasn't sit around talking about it or mulling over how impossible something seems. Instead we needed to bring it to the one who specializes in the impossible. He was listening.

Proof number two:

Yesterday the boys and I decided to go to the Kidscommons for Wacky Science. The draw of marshmallow and chocolate science drew us there even in the rain. As we pulled onto Washington Street I was anticipating finding the parking spaces full and dreading having to walk in the pouring down rain. Instead as we arrived in front of the Kidscommons there was a parking place right there. I exclaimed "yeah front row Joe, we found a spot". Carson followed up with "God provides". Yep that is where the credit was due. Some people would say a parking space has nothing to do with God's grace, but I believe and so did Carson that God knew we needed His undeserved favor on that pouring down day. He was listening.

They were both listening all the time. They were listening and thinking. They may not show it, but they are taking it all in. Not just what we have to say or have shown them, but also the people around them. The Christians who choose to live out their faith and serve as an example to those around them. I am thankful to God for the people He has put in our lives.

I have one more thing I want to share. Forgive my long post. This time I want to talk about how He is listening. Not Ephraim or Carson, but God the Father. God knows that in the last week or so that I have felt very defeated in a lot of ways. I have felt like for once, I wanted some one to care for me. I was really starting to feel sorry for myself. I finally went to Him in prayer and He was listening. Now, I know and Carson and Ephraim know I should have started with God not resorted to "finally" imploring Him. I prayed that God would help me reach out to someone else to include or care for them.

I got my answer to prayer in a phone call. And then after the phone call, God revealed to me that He cared for me. He brought to mind that His very own Son faced the same challenges of being the one to always care for others. He didn't see it as a burden though like I sometimes can. Instead when He was feeling overwhelmed He went to the One who cared for Him. He went to His Father God. When He had fed the 5,000 and had a full day, Jesus didn't slump into a heap and feel sorry for Himself. He didn't say "Look at what I have done" or "Why don't they appreciate me?". He went to His Father in prayer.

He did that for me. So that I could learn from His Word. No, I don't have a Messianic complex. I know that I am NOT the savior of those around me. But I am to be His hands and feet. My Father had a lesson for me. It appears I may not have been listening. I am listening now and I know that He hears my prayers. He is listening and answering too.